Even now

Maybe it’s the twentieth time. I couldn’t quite surely tell, not that it did matter. I am all too familiar with this scene. The people coming and going carrying their bags or dragging strollers and boxes; the look of anticipation among those waiting on the other side of the lane; the taxi drivers and phone card retailers; it’s all too sickeningly familiar.

I used to meet someone here. I’d wait for him at least an hour before. And with all the inefficiency that goes with airports, I’d get to meet him after about two hours of waiting. Sometimes I’d hide, and I’d see him anxious and straining his neck to look for my familiar smile. Sometimes I’d walk straight towards him, just like in those romantic movies, and I smile shyly at first then I take his hand in mine and I don’t understand why I feel nervous, happy, and almost in tears at the same time. I remember the feeling of excitement; my thoughts are racing and my heart beating so fast that words can’t even follow, so I end up losing my breath. Continue reading

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Picture Perfect Nagsasa Cove

Three years ago I and three other friends first visited a place so picturesque it felt like looking at a life-sized postcard. The water was so clear, as though percolating through hundreds and hundreds of rocks and pebbles had given rise to such purity.

680426_10151152476736033_529867166_o Continue reading

4 Years After Idealism

More than four years ago, I experienced something that awoke me to some bitter truths. I decided to help a homeless man and in that simple humanitarian act I was made aware of the different circumstances that complicate ones pure desire to help. When you’re young you are full of idealism. As you grow older you understand that the world is cruel and sometimes humanitarianism is not as you always hoped it would be.

Whenever I’m reminded of that experience, I always have mixed emotions of sadness, happiness, and resignation. I’m not sure if I did the right thing completely. I decided to have the story published because I wanted to let my feelings of guilt go away. It was so heavy for me to bear already and so I felt that by letting people know about it, maybe the burden of guilt would be shared.

Four years after that fateful night when I saw Nocur, here I am again haunted by all too familiar feelings. Now that I am a medical student and the ability to help is within reach, I am in a doubt. I look back on him and hope some answers would be shown to me. Continue reading

Doctor in Training

Today I realized that I’ve just finished my 6th month as a junior intern/clinical clerk in medical school. This means I’m already halfway through. So far I’ve already had 2 months of Surgery (where I had my “baptism” into clerkship), 2 months of Internal Medicine, 1 month of Psychiatry, 2 weeks of Ophthalmology and 2 weeks of Otorhinolaryngology (ENT) rotation. I also had a week each of elective at Critical Care Unit and Anesthesiology. As of the moment, I’m on my 2nd week here at Pediatrics.

I don’t know how to begin to describe how I felt about my experiences as a clinical clerk, so let me start by saying that most of my expectations were wrong. The clerkship experience was admittedly different from what I thought it would be, mostly because I only thought of the fun and learning part. I was mostly unprepared of the physical work. Continue reading